the thai neekitun is backWhisky Portrait
it sneaks into the garden
after dark every night and
leaves behind a sample
of its pure which master
picks up every morning
i had hoped that master
would now stop picking up
my pure but that
hasn t happened
he s ruining my life
let me explain

a few nights ago
master found a small piece
of pure on my blanket
he took it to the tan yard
and washed the blanket
i felt devastated

i think another famous dog
captured the feeling perfectly
with what he said
after his master
stepped on a piece of his pure

you just put a footprint
on the mona lisa
did you see the swirl
on that masterpiece
the form
the texture
the taper of pinch point
what do i bother
you don t know sh*t

you see i m trying to create
art using my pure
it s in the tradition of marc quinn
who formed a head
out of his own blood
and andres serrano
who used his own pee for
piss christ

other artists have used pure before
chris ofili used elephant pure
and mary kelly exhibited
dirty nappies as art
but they haven t had
the artistic courage
to go as far
as to use their own pure
that s what makes my art so great
my willingness to go that one step further
to bare my soul and show my poo

and that s why i m
so frustrated with master
every morning when he
gathers my pure
he thwarts my attempt
to establish an open air sculpture park


Master adds: Wilfred is an Australian TV comedy series about a mentally disturbed young man (Ryan) who sees his neighbour’s dog as a man in a dog costume (Wilfred) who tries to help him rebuild his life. I’m currently watching the US remake of the series. Its humour is reminiscent of Puppets Who Kill (another Australian comedy series with a talking dog). Both series are to be recommended if you like your comedy dark and twisted.


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