Yesterday I took puppy Rye to the vet for a routine vaccination. Before administering the injection the vet took her body temperature in a most ignominious fashion. The temperature was high; she had a fever. No vaccination; I was asked to bring her back the next day.

And today when I took her back, she was still running hot.

She’s going to spend a couple of nights at the vet.

Whisky and Rye have never seen eye to eye. He snarls at her when she comes close, whilst she loves to jump on him and bite his legs.

Now Whisky is sitting, looking at Rye’s empty crate and whimpering.

As Jodi Mitchell sang

“You don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone”.

And I too am grieving with a sense of senseless loss for a different reason.

As Tolstoy wrote

“Each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way”.

[680]

I have instructed my scribe and general factotum to write this communication to you. After all, to put paw to keyboard would be below my station in life. I don’t “do” manual work because I’m a princess: Princess Rye.

Princess Rye

Princess Rye


I was born on my father’s estate a little over two months ago. I’ve never met my father. He must be far too important and busy to see me, but I know his name because the estate is named after him. He’s called “Industrial”.

I model myself on the British Royal family. I can’t wave my paw like Queen Elizabeth yet, but I’m very good at wagging my tail. I also can’t purr like her. (Scribe tells me it’s strange that she purrs. He doesn’t believe that blood-sucking, alien lizards purr – even shape-shifting ones.)

Unfortunately I have to share my palace with a very common dog called “Whisky”. I’m not sure why he’s here. He’s a most unpleasant, low down cove, born on the wrong side of the highway. In fact, quite literally born at the side of the highway. He really doesn’t understand his position in society. When I steal his chews or eat from his dog bowl he gets most aggitated, growls and snarls. Such terrible manners and a complete lack of respect. Doesn’t he understand that it’s perfectly acceptable for royalty to steal from poor people? After all, the British royal family has been doing it with impunity for centuries.

The only respite I get from Whisky is when I retire to my bed chamber at night. My factotum locks the chamber door to keep him out. Whisky sleeps on the palace floor as befits a common cur.

My scribe and general factotum isn’t the smartest puppy in the litter. I often need to bite his ankles to make sure he’s paying attention to me, and sometimes I need to wait several seconds after I yap for him to open the door to my bed chamber. Such laxness is not appreciated.

Anyway, time for me to inspect the palace grounds. I feel the urge to perform a royal pee.

Princess Rye

[677]

silly master Whisky Portrait
he doesn t know that
he s acquired a puppy

he thinks it s a rhinocerous

whenever she starts chewing the sofa
or bites his leg he calls out

rhino

perhaps master wanted a rhino
because they make
enormous quantities of pure

greedy master

anyway she s a puppy
not a rhino
but she does make lots of pure
nine pieces in one day
that must be a record

i think she s just showing off
to impress master
so he doesn t get rid of her
after all
she s an abject failure
in so many other ways

consider her art work
the best she can manage
is tearing up newspaper
soaked in her own urine
so derivitive
i m pretty sure tracy emin
has done that already
more than once

and as for frog killing
absolutely useless

after she failed to kill
the first training frog
master got her another one
even smaller

it s still alive

she tried to drown it

Frog Drowning

Frog Drowning

stupid dog
doesn t she know that
frogs are ambiguous

that means they can live on land
and in water

disembowling
that s the only certain way

she s also so stupid that
she thinks i want to
play with her

doesn t she understand that
my snarls and growls mean that i
like greta garbo
just want to be left alone

and i really hate it when
master gives her treats and tummy rubs
he should only do that for me
for is it not written

the lord your dog is a jealous dog

and

you shall have no other dogs before me

i ask once again
how much longer will master
put up with this waste of fur

whisky

 

[678]

It’s now been a little over five months since the elected government was overthrown in a coup d’état and military junta installed with General Prayuth Chan-ocha at its head. Since then the country has been under military rule it has been forbidden for anyone to write or say anything critical of the junta. And as the junta works to “restore happiness to the people” who would have any criticism anyway?

The junta has done a thorough job of exposing the problems with the rice pledging scheme initiated by the former government. It’s now been found that 70% of the rice stored is seriously degraded and a further 20% is so rotten it’s only fit for making ethanol. Only 10% is fit for sale. It would appear that a lot of the rice is old stock from somewhere or other which has been used to replace the good new crop which has then been sold off covertly. Genetic testing continues to determine how much of the rice has surreptitiously been brought in from abroad and passed off as Thai. The total loss from the damaged rice alone is estimated at 580-700 billion baht (US$17.8-21.4 thousand million), excluding bank loan interest and storage fees the government has yet to pay.

Despite the overwhelming evidence of negligence or worse by former Prime Minister Yingluck who was in charge of the scheme, none of the responsible bodies seems keen to charge her for her inaction. (And nobody is talking about prosecuting her brother, Lord Voldemort of Dubai, who designed the scheme.)

The government has pledged to cut out corruption. In the area of illegal encroachment into national parkland it’s done an excellent job. Already 500 poor peasants have been evicted. Doubtless it won’t be long before land is also reclaimed from the extraordinarily wealthy people who’ve built expensive resorts and created vast plantations where they shouldn’t.

And thinking of extraordinary wealth, the wealth of government ministers was recently disclosed by The Office of the National Anti-Corruption Commission. Many of them are extraordinarily rich. General Prayuth, now the Prime Minister, has assets of 128 million Baht (US$3.9 million) which makes him relatively poor compared to some other cabinet members. He says he can explain his great riches, but hasn’t done so yet. Early days, though.

One of the junta’s first actions was to confirm spending US$11.8 thousand million on flood defences proposed by the previous government. I do wonder why that figure hasn’t gone down since corruption and its costs will be eliminated under the junta. Perhaps they’ll build to better quality or do the work faster putting up costs. It’s been three years since the terrible flooding of central Thailand and Bangkok. It’s about time something was done to prevent a repeat.

And in other news, the Thai Navy recently opened its new submarine base and submarine training centre at a cost of 540 million baht (US$16.8 million), even though Thailand hasn’t had a submarine since 1951 and doesn’t look likely to be getting one any time soon. Indeed, some say that in the shallow Gulf of Thailand submarines are easily spotted from the air so may not be particularly effective in the event of war. I wonder if there might be another explanation for the base’s construction.

It’s just occurred to me that this Postcard’s title is the same as a line from a song by a popular beat combo. Now, if only I could remember the next line…

[679]

the new puppy is turning out Whisky Portrait
to be a big disappointment
to master
i hope he takes her away soon

master was hoping to get rich
by selling her pure
he knew that puppies poo
several times a day
whilst i only poo twice
regular as clockwork i am

anyway this puppy can
go a more than a day
without pooing

he s become so desperate
he s taken to rubbing her
with a wet cloth to push
the pure out of her

don t know why he bothered
with the cloth he should lick her
like my mother did to me
when i was young

she s also useless
when it comes to
killing frogs

master put a training frog
into her cage

what did she do

use it as a pillow
that s what

And the puppy shall lie down with the frog

And the puppy shall lie down with the frog


i know they say
the lion shall lie down
with the lamb
but the puppy
lie down with the frog
never
it s not natural

she s not even a
moderately talented artist
doesn t even have the skill
to shred a piece of kitchen roll
just drags it around the room
in her mouth

useless

how much longer will master
put up with this waste of fur

whisky

 

[676]

29. August 2014 · 1 comment · Categories: Rye

I thought it might be a good idea to find a companion for Whisky, and at the same time get another dog off the streets and into a good home.

A friend learned of a litter of 10 puppies living on an industrial estate close to the side of the road. There was every possibility that some of them would get run over.

Mother and litter

Mother and litter

An attempt was made to relocate the litter and mother to a safer area. However, mother had different ideas, and took them back, one by one, to the roadside.

It really was important that the puppies be adopted if they were to be safe, despite their only being 3 weeks old and not yet weaned. (Puppies should normally be separated from their mothers at around 3 months old.)

But which one to pick? They all look so cute.

Pick of the Litter

Pick of the Litter

I left that to a friend who picked her from the litter, took her to the vet for a check-up, and then brought her home to me.

To be honest, there’s more than a little guilt in making the choice. I’d said I wanted one of the spotty ones, not a plain white one. I wanted a puppy, rather than adopting an adult dog. I was making choices based upon appearance, cuteness, which seems wrong.

That was a week ago today. Since then I’ve been bottle feeding her every three hours, though now she’s also started to eat semi-solid food. Every day I see a change. She ranges further around the house. She’s learnt how to climb up a small step between kitchen and sitting room. She’s learned to run and how to bound over objects. What she hasn’t yet learnt to do is to poo regularly. I sometimes have to rub her with a warm, wet cloth to stimulate her, as a mother would do with her tongue.

The only dark cloud (other than sleeplessness) is that Whisky doesn’t like her (yet, I hope). He mostly ignores her when she’s in her crate, but will come and growl at her if she’s outside. He’d almost certainly attack her, given a chance. A few days ago he bit me on the arm whilst making a frenzied attempt to get at her. It’s the first time he’s bitten me since he was a puppy, and the first time he’s bitten me not by accident. (Once he bit me on the big toe and drew blood.)

And today I heard the good news that all 10 puppies have now been adopted.

master must be very disappointed with meWhisky Portrait
i think it s because
he found a large frog
when he was gardening
it was in the long grass
i didn t see it

of course he s right to be cross
killing frogs is my responsibility
i m really very good at it

anyway master doesn t appreciate
my efforts and how skilled i am
in the fine art of frog dispatching
so he brought another dog
into the house

New puppy

to be honest
i think it ll be a few months
before she s any good
at killing frogs

she s only 3 weeks old
never killed a frog
in her life in fact
all she s ever done is
live at the side of the road
sleeping playing with her siblings
and suckling on mother s teats
no frog warrior she

***

on reflection there may be
another explanation

master s getting greedy

he wants more pure
to sell to the tan yard

silly master
if he wants more pure
he doesn t need
to get another dog
he just needs to feed me more
i m perfectly happy to eat
all the stinky cheese and
foie gras he can give me

whisky

 

[674]

earlier this month Whisky Portrait
the people came together
and rejoiced for it was
the 3rd annual whisky day
celebrating the day
i decided to leave
the side of the highway
to come and protect master from frogs

master was very kind to me this year
he gave me stinky blue cheese for breakfast
it s my favourite kind
and chicken

master says i m not
very well trained for
a three year old dog
i don t think he understands

when he says sit
i first have to check whether
there isn t something more important
to do such as
scratch my ear
or chase a fly

and when he says home
i have to think whether
i d prefer to carry on
sunbathing or chewing a stinky bone
or go inside

and anyway master isn t very well trained
when i sit next to the cupboard where
he keeps the whisky treats
sometimes i have to wait five or ten minutes
before he gives me one
can t he even remember that he s
supposed to give me one immediately

i m still upset that master doesn t give me
anything for all the pure i produce
i ve now discovered that he doesn t
take it to the tan yard himself
people come in a big noisy
truck and collect it once a week
from where he leaves it
along with the rubbish

i tried to negotiate with
the tan yard workers
and barked at them
to get their attention
through the gate
they just ignored me
sometimes life s so unfair

i know that some people are skeptical
that master is making a lot of money
from my pure but it s true
i saw him looking at a website saying
turn dog poo into gold

anyway the rainy season has started
and there are a lot more frogs around
a couple of days ago master disturbed
a really big evil one
when he was cutting the grass
he does that to make it easier
to find my pure
he was lucky i was there to save him
but then that s my job

happy whisky day to one and all

whisky

[673]

Thailand awoke to another military coup this morning. It was hardly surprising. In fact, for the last few months the feeling has been “let’s just have the coup already” – as summer follows spring, as coup follows corruption, it was inevitable.

The previous coup, in 2006, overthrew the Thaksin regime which was briefly replaced by a government led by the Democrats. However, come the next general election, Thaksin’s puppet government led by his younger sister was installed by popular decree. In other words, the 2006 coup and a new constitution had achieved nothing; Thailand’s government was still headed by a party (now called Pheu Thai) which followed the criminal fugitive’s every whim. As the political slogan at the time went “Thaksin thinks; Pheu Thai acts”.

Thaksin has been hell-bent on maintaining power since this enables him and his cronies to rob the country blind with utter impunity. In political discussions a couple of days ago with General Prayuth (head of the army), with the country already under martial law, Thaksin joined in on speakerphone (or Skype don’t know which). He refused to bend an inch and insisted that his puppet regime remain in power. This triggered Prayuth’s wrath (he slammed his hand down hard on the desk) and the coup.

It’s not that Thaksin is particularly corrupt by Thai standards – just that he’s been more successful at it than most. The number of “unusually rich” politicians, government bureaucrats, heads of state enterprises and senior military figures is quite staggering, but virtually nothing seems to be done against them. And if it is, they just conveniently leave the country until the statute of limitations for their crime expires.

Herein lies the problem: for Thailand to move forward corruption needs dramatically to be curtailed, but those in power (with some honourable exceptions) are the ones who benefit most from it. Much as turkeys are loathe to vote for Christmas, Thai politicians are reluctant seriously to pursue anti-corruption measures. After all, they need the money for, amongst other things, bribing the electorate.

And as long as there is corruption, Thaksin and others of his ilk will be able to bribe the populace to vote for him and his party. Like the previous, the current coup will in all probability amount to nothing. And in a few years it will be Groundhog Day all over again.

In the meantime TV is reduced to a Powerpoint slide of various logos backed by patriotic music on all channels, and there’s curfew from 10 p.m. to 5 a.m..

[672]

The only thing that seems consistent with the way the British government treats is expats is the level of contempt with which it treats them.

Consider the case of renewing a passport. Until a few years ago one went to the British Embassy or nearest Consulate, handed in the old one and picked up the new one a few days later, or had it posted to you. Simple, convenient.

Then they changed the rules. You had to send a photocopy of your passport to Hong Kong to apply for a new one. (In Thailand one is legally required to keep one’s passport about one’s person at all times, hence the photocopy.) There was also an outrageous charge for DHL to courier your passport back to Thailand – not that DHL actually delivered your passport to your door – that was done by the Thai Post Office, which employs rather too many light-fingered posties.

Then they changed the rules again. This time you had to send the photocopy to the UK.

And then once more they changed the rules. The process has been privatised, and now one must go to the offices of VFS (a Swiss company) in Bangkok in person not once, but twice. The thought of VFS fills me with dread. I had to use their service to apply for a visa to India. The place was noisy and chaotic – a little taste of India before you arrive. So, rather than having the passport returned to you at home, it’s returned to VFS. However, you still have to pay the £23 courier charge. Outrageous! There will also be a VFS “processing fee”. It’s not yet clear how much this will be.

Consider the case of an elderly pensioner living in the far North, somewhere like Chiang Rai, 800 km from the embassy. There’s no way to make a round trip in a single day, so not only will renewing a passport take 4 days of the pensioner’s time, it’ll also involve two night stays in an hotel. That’s a lot of extra time and cost.

Also consider the case of someone living near the border with Malaysia who loses their passport or has it stolen. They’re 1150 km from Bangkok. They can’t fly (no passport), so have to go by train or bus – around 17 hours by train or 16 by bus each way – and there’s only one train a day which is frequently cancelled because of track failures. That’s a total of 8 days off work and a lot of gruelling travel.

Have the civil servants responsible thought this through? Do they really think this is an acceptable way to treat the country’s citizens?

Anyway, it’s a couple of years before I need to renew my passport. Doubtless the system will have changed again by then – I hope for the better.

[671]