A few months before I left Ayutthaya a family moved in next door – a grossly fat Dutchman and his foul-mouthed Thai wife. The Dutchman had a penchant for sitting outside his house shirtless. The sight of his hairy, pendulous belly was enough to make anyone wretch. He’d then drink beer to ensure there was no danger of his hirsute pride-and-joy would shrink to more natural proportions.

His wife was equally repulsive. I’m guessing from her language and demeanour that she’s a former prostitute and that’s how he met her. (And, how shall I put it? I somehow doubt she married him for his good looks and charm.) Anyway, these two and their family made my life a misery.

Almost the first thing they did on moving in was to put up a large screen made of green plastic sacking which obstructed the view from my front door. It looked so cheap and vile (much like the family).

Then they installed a massive satellite dish immediately outside my landing window.

Then the building work started. They extended the house at the back, putting in a new kitchen, to one side (fortunately the side away from my house) and at the front. The building work went on for weeks and was hardly quiet. But then, neither were the youths who used their front drive as a makeshift motorcycle garage late into the night.

Once the building work finished they started on the front garden and turned it into a water feature resembling nothing so much as a public urinal. Once finished they’d leave the water running all day just to ensure that their annoying noises were incessant. (Of course, they shut all their windows so they couldn’t hear the torrent.) I’d hate to think the state I’d be in if I had a bladder problem.

Their offensiveness wasn’t limited to sight and sound. On occasion the fat Dutchman would park his pickup truck outside my gate so I could neither leave nor enter. I’d end up blowing my car horn for a good few minutes before he’d deign to appear and move his vehicle. Never an apology forthcoming from him, though, for the inconvenience caused.

There’s more – lots more – but I don’t think writing about it is too good for my blood pressure.

Anyway, in my new place the neighbours behind have managed to prove a tad inconsiderate even before they’ve moved it. This was the view from my dining area when I opened the blinds late this morning.

(Just to clarify, the breeze block wall wasn’t there last night.)

Room with a view? Don’t count on it – not in Thailand.

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