i recently took a short break
at a local spa
it was very pleasant
apart from a mad barking
pomeranian in the suite next to me
and the walls of the cages
are so thin
my master tells me a pomeranian
is a kind of dog
though it looked more like
a ball of fluff to me
a very noisy ball of fluff
i don t know where pomerania is
but i reckon they should
tighten up the immigration laws
to keep pomeranians out
they re far too noisy

i ve got a new hobby
can you guess from the picture
what it is

Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!

yes it s tearing up plastic bags
i think of it as art

when i can t get plastic bags
i like to chew tubes
so far i ve managed a tube of moisturiser
and two tubes of medicine
they look so pretty
with little tooth holes in them
i think my master looks good
with little holes in his hands
and legs too
along with long bright red scratches
he says they hurt
but it is for the sake of art
so i ll carry on

as you probably know
i used to be a street dog
i just want to be clear that
that s rather different from
being a street girl
my virtue is intact
i ve never sold my body to anyone
however doggy prostitution
is a major problem
there s even a song about it

how much is that doggie in the window
the one with the waggley tail
how much is that doggie in the window
i do hope that doggie s for sale

it just makes me so sad
to think of those poor dogs
dressed up in red satin dresses
and black fishnet stockings
sitting behind windows
smoking in amsterdam
they deserve better than that

whisky