a few weeks ago master 
took me to the vet
he kept telling me to sit
but i didn t want to
the floor was very cold
because of the air conditioning
and anyway
it was a lot more fun
sniffing around the shelves
of toys and food
i should have got suspicious
when master sat down on the floor
but as i always do
i came over and sat on him
then he started hugging me
tightly
next the devil woman came over
and started using me
as a doggy pin cushion
how undignified
what a way to treat a dog of my
class and breeding
of course i snarled at her
once master had let me go
she seemed to think it amusing
and then a couple of weeks ago
master told me that i was going
to stay in a doggy spa
for a few days
while he went away
i was quite excited
i really enjoyed the car ride
sticking my head out of the window
and drooling everywhere
but when we stopped
i realised i d been conned
he was taking me to the vet again
this time we went into a back room
where there were a couple of other dogs
one was a big old black one
whose back legs were paralysed
and who was incontinent
he d done a big poo on the floor
he was a sorry sight
still he was lucky
he was going back to his master
the next day
i can t say i particularly enjoyed
my stay at the doggy spa
though i did lose a few pounds
around the ribs
and i was fortunate there weren t
any pomeranians staying there
when master came to pick me up
after his trip i got really excited
and whoops i lost control of my bladder
three times in the vet s
and a few more times outside
i didn t know i could make so much wee
now if only my wee
were as valuable as my pure
***
needless to say
i ve had a lot of enquiries about
my latest artistic creations
the world will be pleased to hear that
like picasso before me
i m having a blue period
the box the mosquito repellent
came in was just the right shade
to create another masterpiece
so I recovered it from the wastepaper bin
clearly master doesn t have an eye
for art and had just thrown it away
of course
creating great art is
an emotionally draining experience
so i needed a little lie down
once i d finished.
whisky
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