The front page headline in this morning’s Bangkok post declared that Lady Gaga had arrived in Bangkok in a private jet. Not being acquainted with her, I asked a young friend who she was. It seems she’s a chanteuse. My first reaction was that this was a pretty rum job for a member of the British aristocracy. Then I suspected a rat when my friend told me that she is, in fact, American. It’s absolutely clear from Debrett’s that foreigners, including colonial types, can not use English titles. It’s rather when Bob Geldof was given a knighthood. (I understand, again from my young friend, that he’s a popular entertainer who used to beguile audiences with his troupe of performing rats.) He wasn’t entitled to call himself “Sir Robert” because he was (and, I presume, still is) a Fenian. It does appear that “Lady” Gaga’s claim to the aristocracy is fraudulent. It is therefore most regrettably that the Thai authorities are unaware she is an impostor. Those in Malaysia were more on-the-ball and banned her.

If her misuse of a title weren’t enough, her rather vulgar “tweets” have shown her to lack the refinement of a true lady. (I understand from my young friend that a “tweet” is rather like an office memo with cc’s, but sent via Telex, rather than on paper.) Her first “tweet” read:

“I just landed in Bangkok baby! Ready for 50,000 screaming Thai monsters. I wanna get lost in a lady market and buy fake Rolex.”

One is left speechless.

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