how was i supposed to know
that s what a monk looks like

***

as you all know
i m a bit of a gay icon
thanks to my incredibly good looks
i even have my own gay stalker
he still comes around
from time to time
to gaze longingly
at my fine masculine physique

i appreciate the loyalty of my fans
i was therefore disturbed
to learn recently that
a dog is going to be executed
for being gay

actually
the newspaper didn t use the word
executed

it said put down

put down
murdered
assassinated
put to death
bumped off
dispatched
slain
executed

they all have the same end result

it seemed particularly unfair
because they don t put down humans
for loving somebody with
the same shaped naughty bits

oh

master tells me that
in countries such as sudan
mauritania nigeria somaliland
saudi arabia united arab emirates
yemen and iran
they do kill you for that

and in lots of other countries
they send you to a crate for
a very very long time

that s not so good

***

when you spend as many
hours a day asleep as i do
you can become bored
with your sleeping positions
so it s important to try new ones
here s one that i ve been
working on lately

however i rather think
i could take lessons from this chap

he s a real expert

whisky