It’s probably fair to say that I’m not the most romantically inclined person on the planet. After I’ve done the dozen red roses thing, the diamond ring the size of a pigeon egg, and the magnum of champagne well, I’m pretty much out of ideas.

Thankfully, Villa Market, which I visited earlier today (a Thai supermarket aimed at the wealthy, and at the stinking rich expatriate) has come to the rescue. On Valentine’s Day this year I’ll not be scrabbling for inspiration thanks to their kind handout.

Idea #1: Spam With Bacon

Idea #2: Jones Pork Little Sausage. (Not so keen on the little sausage – might be misunderstood.)

Idea #3: Kleenex Tissue. (Might be necessary, even with a little sausage.)

Idea #4: If there’s no Kleenex to hand, there’s always toilet roll:

Idea #5: And if things don’t go quite to plan and there’s a little accident, one might end up needing these:

Idea #6:

I’m not quite sure where the olive oil, granola bars, prego sauce and frozen pot pies fit in with the romantic scenario, but as I said, I’m not the most romantically inclined person on the planet. However, I suspect the “Super Hard, Wet Hard, Madom G Long Keep Gel” might have its uses.

(And the Gatsby “Hard, Supper Hard” does reflect my problems with deciding what to eat this evening.)

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