it s an outrageWhisky Portrait
an absolute outrage
i tell you
master feeding my whiskyfood
to the neighbours dog
and giving whiskywater
from my bowl no less
and feeding him whiskytreats
but let me begin at the beginning

i d taken master out
for his afternoon drag
when i got back home
i saw that one of the neighbours
dogs had escaped
a pale coloured siberian husky
i knew she was all
fur coat and no balls
so i tried to chase her away
but master was holding
my leash too tightly
next thing i knew
master was picking me up
and locking me in the house
i tried to break down
the front door
but it was too strong
master then let the husky play
in the garden
and eat my whiskyfood
whilst i was locked inside

to make matters worse
master kept going on about
what a beautiful dog she is
and what lovely soft fur she has
he knows i m sensitive
about my fur
because it s still
falling out in handfuls
soon i could be as bald as master
that would be terrible
the vet thinks it s because
i ve got a vitamin deficiency
and says i should be fed
royal canin dog food
but master says it s very expensive
and he doesn t understand
how increasing the vet s profits
will cure my condition

anyway the security guard
phoned the neighbours mobile phone
and the family drove back
to collect their dog
but i m not going to
forgive master in a hurry



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