Postcards from Thailand

much to my surprise
there was something interesting
under the shoe cabinet
master had a quick look
but didn t notice anything unusual
and went back inside
should have worn his glasses
there was a snake
all twisted up under there

it wasn t like the
long green water snake
that helps master wash the car
this one was much shorter
a little less than half a metre
and very thin
and it wasn t green but dark coloured

i thought it might be fun
to play with the snake
but it wasn t very interested
in fact it quickly slithered
under the car
i kept trying to encourage it
to come and have some fun
by poking my nose under the car
no dice

then master came out
he was very upset
i think he really wanted
to play with the snake himself
he shouted at me to go in
but why should I
i saw the snake first

then he got the broom
and pushed me away
that was so unfair
and then after that
he didn t even
play with the snake

selfish master

***

master says i m very willful
and why shouldn t i be

when he tells me to sit
does he think i like
to put my bottom
on the cold floor

and anyway its fun
winding him up
by pretending not to
understand what he says

yesterday he wanted
to tie me up whilst
he took the car out
but i was chewing
a dried up old stem of strelitzia

oh that sweet sweet strelitzia

anyway every time he got close
i ran away

it was quite funny
to see master lumbering around
trying to catch me
his face getting redder
and redder

in the end i compromised
before master had a heart attack
i trotted to the front door
carrying my prized strelitzia stem
sat down and let him tie me up

unfortunately there s almost
no strelitzia left now
i don t know what i ll do
when its all gone

whisky

and it looks like a snake

anyway
first master squeezed the snake
so that the water fell into a bucket
and became all frothy and delicious
i love licking up
the white foamy stuff
both from the bucket
and from the floor
when it spills over

even better is the sponge
which master puts in the bucket

when his back is turned
i snatch it from the bucket
and run away with it
but every time he chases after me
not fair
why should master have the sponge
and not me

master also makes the
long green water snake
squirt water all over his car
i don t know why he does this
i love sniffing the wheel arches
for the delicious aromas
of all the dead things
he s run over

perhaps he does it
because the wheel arch is full
and he needs to make space
for more tasty smells

***

i love stinky things

so does master

he loves blue cheese
and anchovies
and so do i

but for some reason
master doesn t like stinky bones

perhaps that s why he gives me
all of them

anyway
he gave me an extra large
stinky bone for new year

but whilst he s allowed
to eat his stinky food inside the house
he gets most upset
when i try to bring
a stinky bone in
for him to share

***

dragged master past the house
with five pomeranians yesterday
only to be horrified to see
that now there are six of them

what s going on

i just hope it s
a pomeranian deportation centre
far too many of them here already

***

and speaking of pomeranians
there s a particularly mad
white one that lives on the corner

there s a gap in the fence
which has been covered with
a sheet of plastic to stop its fleeing

every time i go past
i heard the sound of its skull
bashing against the plastic

it s rather a hollow sound

anyway this time
the plastic had slipped
and the pomeranian escaped
albeit whilst half ripping off
its stupid looking jacket
it stood there
a few metres away from me
half clad
barking senselessly

can a pomeranian bark any other way

i wanted to go over there
and give it a little bit
of friendly advice
such as

that tartan really isn t your colour

and

you really should do up those buttons
might catch a cold

and

wouldn t you be happier
back in pomerania

but for some reason
master wouldn t let me
and thought we should go
and sniff some doggy poo
on some nearby grass

well if that s what master wants
i m game