earlier master was playingWhisky Portrait
with the long green water snake
i call it that because
it s long
it s green
and when master squeezes its head
water comes out

and it looks like a snake

first master squeezed the snake
so that the water fell into a bucket
and became all frothy and delicious
i love licking up
the white foamy stuff
both from the bucket
and from the floor
when it spills over

even better is the sponge
which master puts in the bucket

when his back is turned
i snatch it from the bucket
and run away with it
but every time he chases after me
not fair
why should master have the sponge
and not me

master also makes the
long green water snake
squirt water all over his car
i don t know why he does this
i love sniffing the wheel arches
for the delicious aromas
of all the dead things
he s run over

perhaps he does it
because the wheel arch is full
and he needs to make space
for more tasty smells


i love stinky things

so does master

he loves blue cheese
and anchovies
and so do i

but for some reason
master doesn t like stinky bones

perhaps that s why he gives me
all of them

he gave me an extra large
stinky bone for new year

but whilst he s allowed
to eat his stinky food inside the house
he gets most upset
when i try to bring
a stinky bone in
for him to share


dragged master past the house
with five pomeranians yesterday
only to be horrified to see
that now there are six of them

what s going on

i just hope it s
a pomeranian deportation centre
far too many of them here already


and speaking of pomeranians
there s a particularly mad
white one that lives on the corner

there s a gap in the fence
which has been covered with
a sheet of plastic to stop its fleeing

every time i go past
i heard the sound of its skull
bashing against the plastic

it s rather a hollow sound

anyway this time
the plastic had slipped
and the pomeranian escaped
albeit whilst half ripping off
its stupid looking jacket
it stood there
a few metres away from me
half clad
barking senselessly

can a pomeranian bark any other way

i wanted to go over there
and give it a little bit
of friendly advice
such as

that tartan really isn t your colour


you really should do up those buttons
might catch a cold


wouldn t you be happier
back in pomerania

but for some reason
master wouldn t let me
and thought we should go
and sniff some doggy poo
on some nearby grass

well if that s what master wants
i m game



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