Rye Dictates

03. November 2014 · Write a comment · Categories: Rye

I have instructed my scribe and general factotum to write this communication to you. After all, to put paw to keyboard would be below my station in life. I don’t “do” manual work because I’m a princess: Princess Rye.

Princess Rye

Princess Rye


I was born on my father’s estate a little over two months ago. I’ve never met my father. He must be far too important and busy to see me, but I know his name because the estate is named after him. He’s called “Industrial”.

I model myself on the British Royal family. I can’t wave my paw like Queen Elizabeth yet, but I’m very good at wagging my tail. I also can’t purr like her. (Scribe tells me it’s strange that she purrs. He doesn’t believe that blood-sucking, alien lizards purr – even shape-shifting ones.)

Unfortunately I have to share my palace with a very common dog called “Whisky”. I’m not sure why he’s here. He’s a most unpleasant, low down cove, born on the wrong side of the highway. In fact, quite literally born at the side of the highway. He really doesn’t understand his position in society. When I steal his chews or eat from his dog bowl he gets most aggitated, growls and snarls. Such terrible manners and a complete lack of respect. Doesn’t he understand that it’s perfectly acceptable for royalty to steal from poor people? After all, the British royal family has been doing it with impunity for centuries.

The only respite I get from Whisky is when I retire to my bed chamber at night. My factotum locks the chamber door to keep him out. Whisky sleeps on the palace floor as befits a common cur.

My scribe and general factotum isn’t the smartest puppy in the litter. I often need to bite his ankles to make sure he’s paying attention to me, and sometimes I need to wait several seconds after I yap for him to open the door to my bed chamber. Such laxness is not appreciated.

Anyway, time for me to inspect the palace grounds. I feel the urge to perform a royal pee.

Princess Rye

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Whisky Writes

03. November 2014 · Write a comment · Categories: Rye, Whisky

silly master Whisky Portrait
he doesn t know that
he s acquired a puppy

he thinks it s a rhinocerous

whenever she starts chewing the sofa
or bites his leg he calls out

rhino

perhaps master wanted a rhino
because they make
enormous quantities of pure

greedy master

anyway she s a puppy
not a rhino
but she does make lots of pure
nine pieces in one day
that must be a record

i think she s just showing off
to impress master
so he doesn t get rid of her
after all
she s an abject failure
in so many other ways

consider her art work
the best she can manage
is tearing up newspaper
soaked in her own urine
so derivitive
i m pretty sure tracy emin
has done that already
more than once

and as for frog killing
absolutely useless

after she failed to kill
the first training frog
master got her another one
even smaller

it s still alive

she tried to drown it

Frog Drowning

Frog Drowning

stupid dog
doesn t she know that
frogs are ambiguous

that means they can live on land
and in water

disembowling
that s the only certain way

she s also so stupid that
she thinks i want to
play with her

doesn t she understand that
my snarls and growls mean that i
like greta garbo
just want to be left alone

and i really hate it when
master gives her treats and tummy rubs
he should only do that for me
for is it not written

the lord your dog is a jealous dog

and

you shall have no other dogs before me

i ask once again
how much longer will master
put up with this waste of fur

whisky

 

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Meet the New Boss

03. November 2014 · Write a comment · Categories: Thailand News

It’s now been a little over five months since the elected government was overthrown in a coup d’état and military junta installed with General Prayuth Chan-ocha at its head. Since then the country has been under military rule it has been forbidden for anyone to write or say anything critical of the junta. And as the junta works to “restore happiness to the people” who would have any criticism anyway?

The junta has done a thorough job of exposing the problems with the rice pledging scheme initiated by the former government. It’s now been found that 70% of the rice stored is seriously degraded and a further 20% is so rotten it’s only fit for making ethanol. Only 10% is fit for sale. It would appear that a lot of the rice is old stock from somewhere or other which has been used to replace the good new crop which has then been sold off covertly. Genetic testing continues to determine how much of the rice has surreptitiously been brought in from abroad and passed off as Thai. The total loss from the damaged rice alone is estimated at 580-700 billion baht (US$17.8-21.4 thousand million), excluding bank loan interest and storage fees the government has yet to pay.

Despite the overwhelming evidence of negligence or worse by former Prime Minister Yingluck who was in charge of the scheme, none of the responsible bodies seems keen to charge her for her inaction. (And nobody is talking about prosecuting her brother, Lord Voldemort of Dubai, who designed the scheme.)

The government has pledged to cut out corruption. In the area of illegal encroachment into national parkland it’s done an excellent job. Already 500 poor peasants have been evicted. Doubtless it won’t be long before land is also reclaimed from the extraordinarily wealthy people who’ve built expensive resorts and created vast plantations where they shouldn’t.

And thinking of extraordinary wealth, the wealth of government ministers was recently disclosed by The Office of the National Anti-Corruption Commission. Many of them are extraordinarily rich. General Prayuth, now the Prime Minister, has assets of 128 million Baht (US$3.9 million) which makes him relatively poor compared to some other cabinet members. He says he can explain his great riches, but hasn’t done so yet. Early days, though.

One of the junta’s first actions was to confirm spending US$11.8 thousand million on flood defences proposed by the previous government. I do wonder why that figure hasn’t gone down since corruption and its costs will be eliminated under the junta. Perhaps they’ll build to better quality or do the work faster putting up costs. It’s been three years since the terrible flooding of central Thailand and Bangkok. It’s about time something was done to prevent a repeat.

And in other news, the Thai Navy recently opened its new submarine base and submarine training centre at a cost of 540 million baht (US$16.8 million), even though Thailand hasn’t had a submarine since 1951 and doesn’t look likely to be getting one any time soon. Indeed, some say that in the shallow Gulf of Thailand submarines are easily spotted from the air so may not be particularly effective in the event of war. I wonder if there might be another explanation for the base’s construction.

It’s just occurred to me that this Postcard’s title is the same as a line from a song by a popular beat combo. Now, if only I could remember the next line…

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