here s a picture of a shoe i ve just planted.

Another shoe tree

after all a dog can never have to many shoe trees

whisky

[565]

The various arms of the Thai authorities have been doing an excellent job of keeping the people of Bangkok informed about the flood risk.

14/Sep The Irrigation Department “remains confident the capital is safe”
12/Oct “Bangkok should be safe” – Prime Minister Yingluck
14/Oct “The floods threatening Bangkok are now under control and water levels are starting to fall” – Prime Minister Yingluck
17/Oct “Bangkok is safe, with the much-feared mass of water runoff from the North having moved past the capital, flood prevention agencies say”
17/Oct “Bangkok is not yet safe from the flooding” – Bangkok Governor Sukhumbhand Paribatra
18/Oct “Bangkok residents should not panic as the capital will not be flooded” – Director of the Flood Relief Operation Centre
18/Oct “The capital could be hit by floods tomorrow, as a large volume of northern runoff has been flowing into Khlong Rangsit” – Bangkok Governor

(All quotations taken from The Bangkok Post.)

Then there was the false alarm fiasco. On 14 October the Science and Technology Minister issued a flood evacuation alert for northern Bangkok saying that runoff from the north had burst through a sluice gate saying:

“Rush to Don Meuang immediately. The government can’t tell how many hours are left.” Panic ensued. Except the sluice gate was actually fine.

He later said:

“Don’t panic, Bangkok residents. Bangkok is 100% safe.”

With such inconsistent information, who knows where the truth lies?

Personally, I was feeling fairly confident of keeping my feet dry until yesterday. I live inside the protective barrier surrounding central Bangkok – a network of elevated roads, barriers rivers and canals that is intended to keep the capital safe. Areas to the north and east of Bangkok, outside the barrier are already flooded. Then came the announcement of seven out of 50 Bangkok districts are “at high risk of flooding”. Seven out of 50 doesn’t sound too bad until you realised they represent 40% of Bangkok’s area. It sounds particularly bad when you realise that you live in one of them. The prediction for here is flooding to a depth of 1 to 1.2 metres. It seems that some of the flood water coming from the north is to be diverted via a canal which runs close to my house, into the protected zone, right across Bangkok and into the Chao Phraya River which will take it out to sea. The logic of this rather escapes me: what is the purpose of the protective barrier if not to protect?

One is left with a feeling that the powers that be aren’t incompetent or lying – they’re both.

[564]

my master has been cheating on meWhisky Portrait
seeing another dog behind my back

it all started a few days ago
when my master saw a dog
living at the side of the road
it was raining
and the dog was just standing there
no shelter
soaking wet
that s when master decided to betray me

a couple of days later
it was raining again
as master was passing
and master stopped and
gave the dog some of my food
what was he thinking
and now he keeps
a bag of dog food
or whisky food as i call it
in the car
he thinks i don t know
but i do

anyway
yesterday i went to the vet
and had a great time
running around
sniffing people
jumping on the sofa
but things started to go bad
when master picked me up
and put me on the scales

20 kg

oh those stinky bones
a moment on your lips
a lifetime on your hips

then things got worse
when my master held me very tightly
and an evil woman
stuck a needle in me
i m not a pincushion you know

things hit rock bottom when
on the way back home
my master slowed the car
and then i saw her
the whore who s taken
both my master s heart
and my whisky food

but she was with someone else
a passing workman was giving her
some of his bag of rice to eat
master drove on

so i told master she s a shallow tramp
not worthy of his affection
or my whisky food

but can master be faithful only to me

Whisky

[563]

Earlier today I noticed this little critter in my outside sink.

Lizard in sink

(Whisky, down! It’s not a frog!)

My first thought was that he’d have no problem climbing out. After all, lizards seem perfectly happy climbing up vertical walls, or hanging from the ceiling. But not this little chappy. Even as he tried to run around inside the sink he had no traction and was skidding about.

Needless to say, I lifted him out, and he went on his merry way, perhaps chastened, and perhaps a little wiser.

[561]

“For behold I wil bringe in a floud of water apon the erth to destroy all flesh from vnder heaven wherin breth of life is so that all that is in the erth shall perish.”
               Genesis 6:17 – Tyndale Translation

Noah had quite a problem. An ark full of animals, two of every kind. I wonder where he got the food to feed them all? I’m pretty sure it wasn’t at Big C. Went there yesterday for a regular shop, and to stock up in preparation for the impending inundation. The shelves were, to put it mildly, depleted. The only bottled water available was Evian. Instant noodles had fled the shelves. Only a few desultory bags of rice were left. Canned fish was conspicuous by its absence. Beer too had gone awol. (Just as well that I’m expecting delivery of a case of wine later today. After all it is important to stock up with the essentials.)

Big C did rather take advantage of the situation, so tents and oil lamps were prominently displayed, as were candles and matches. And I did succumb to the temptation to buy one of the few remaining barbecues and a bag of charcoal on offer.

Of course, this will all probably come to nought. The waters will pass by Bangkok, the floods to the north recede. But there remains a doubt, a nagging doubt, that in a day or two I may be stranded upstairs without electricity or running water, short on food, and eyeing Whisky’s food bowl with envy.

“DELUGE, n. A notable first experiment in baptism which washed away the sins (and sinners) of the world.”
                – Ambrose Bierce

[562]

sometimes i even surprise myselfWhisky Portrait
i m such a great artist that
i don t even need to try
to create something spectacular

yesterday i was busy
digging a hole in the lawn
i needed to bury another shoe
to make a second shoe tree
the first one isn t
growing too well
you can t have too many shoe trees
you know

and then i looked behind me
and realised i d created
an amazing work of art
on the front wall

look at the subtle tones
of this oeuvre
the spatial placement
the emotional resonance
truly this is another great piece
by yours truly

Whisky's Jackson Pollock

i know what you re thinking
jackson pollock
in fact
when my master saw what i d done
he said something that sounded like pollocks
though i don t think
he got the first letter right

whisky

[559]

Unlike the UK with its spring, summer, autumn, winter, Thailand has three seasons: the impossibly hot season, the impossibly hot season, and the impossibly hot season – though to Thais these are: the hot season, the wet season and the cold season. Precisely how temperatures in the 30s can be seen as “cold” is rather beyond me. Anyway, this year the wet season is lasting a bit longer than usual, and has produced pretty terrible flooding.

The flooding starts in the north, and the water then passes down the major rivers towards Bangkok. On the way, Ayutthaya has been badly hit. A major temple, Wat Chai Wattanaram, has been under water for almost a week now.

Wat Chai Wattanaram flooded

A minor temple, well inland, is also inundated.

Wat Lokeyasutha flooded

The local government hospital has been evacuated, being more than 2 metres under water.

In fact, about 10% of Ayutthaya island is currently inundated.

The Asia Highway (AH2), a major arterial route running from Singapore, through Malaysia, through Thailand to Burma, then connecting on to Pakistan, India, Bangladesh and Nepal, has been flooded only a few hundred metres from my former home. The ensuing traffic jam was more than 10 km long. Many vehicles have been abandoned to the waters.

***

The personal cost can be high. My first Thai teacher, Bum, and her husband build a house to the north of Ayutthaya. Before they bought the land I went with her husband to survey the area. We noted the high tide marks from then recent severe flooding on nearby properties. The decision was made to raise the ground level of the plot by a couple of metres. That should be enough, or so we thought.

And so it was, last year, when there was bad flooding. The waters lapped at the gateway, but the house itself was safe.

Not so this year. The waters have risen so that the ground floor is flooded to well over a metre. (The photo was taken at the early stages of the flooding.)

Bum's home flooded, Ayutthaya

Again, an earlier photo. The car is now totally submerged. No chance to take it to higher ground, the waters rose too fast.

Bum's home flooded, Ayutthaya

Bum’s husband was away at the time, and Bum and daughters have since been rescued by boat and are fine, staying with friends for the timebeing.

Ben, the family dog, however, had to be left behind when the family was rescued. He’s now alone living on the roof. He’s got enough food and water for a few days. Whisky and I just pray he’ll be OK.

***

And as for Bangkok, as I drove to Tesco-Lotus yesterday there were parts of the road flooded axle-deep. Local klongs have burst their bank, and the drainage system struggles to deal with the run-off.

It’s probably another week or so before the worst of the run-off from t’north reaches us here. The situation is unprecedented. I don’t know what to expect, but remain fearful.

[560]

my master told me that Whisky Portrait
if i ever hear anybody say
would you like to see some puppies
i should bite him really hard
because he must be a really bad man

i don t think that s always true

my master told me about prisoner ben
he s very much like me
he has a blog
and he did something bad
so he was sent to his crate
he accidentally killed another puppy
when he was 14
he s now been in his crate
for more then 30 years
when i m bad
my master is sometimes mean to me
for a few minutes
but never ever for 30 years

i think ben is a good man
he loves dogs
recently he was asked
if he d like to leave his crate
and play with some puppies
he was thrilled
afterwards he wrote

playing with a few dogs
is hardly a headline in life
except the strange and empty world
that is prison

not having played with a dog
for 3 decades
i d somehow overlooked
the toothy prospects of
2 springer spaniel puppies
when a tennis ball is
dangled before them
don t be misled
by the floppy ears and sad eyes
they can shift
- and don t let fingers
get between them and the ball

i spent about an hour
with them and a big labrador puppy
and they did run me ragged
they also gave me
a chance to step out of prison
to do something normal
such times are rare
and to be held on to

ben s also pretty smart

because he lives in a crate
he can t make great art like me
or do gardening
i don t think he s ever even killed a frog
but he has done a bachelors
and a masters degree
from inside his crate and
he d almost finished his phd
before the crate authorities
took away his word processor

people are sometimes very mean to dogs
and sometimes they re very mean to other people

ben may be a fully paid up
member of the awkward squad
but then sometimes i m a little difficult

perhaps the crate keepers can explain
why a man who hasn t committed
a violent act
since he was 14
is still in his crate
more than 20 years
after his original tariff expired

perhaps the crate keepers can explain
why they spend so much money
on dog food and blankets for him
when he could be
living on the streets
looking after himself

perhaps the crate keepers can explain
why they haven t freed ben gunn.

free ben gunn

whisky

[558]

i m trying to grow a new shoe treeWhisky Portrait
do you think i planted it deep enough

Whisky's new shoe tree

and here s my latest work of art
i call it
still life with dead frog

Still life with dead frog

whisky


[557]

master was gardening this morningWhisky Portrait
i was rather annoyed
gardening is my hobby
not his
i tried to help though
i grabbed the weeds
he d pulled up
and bits of hedge
he d chopped off
and ran to the other side
of the garden with them
he so appreciated my help
that he swept up all the dead leaves
into a pile
so i could roll around
on my back on them

master didn t spend very long gardening
he never does
he says it s too hot
some people say
if you can t stand the heat
stay out of the kitchen
well i say if
you can t stand the heat
stay out of my garden

and thinking of kitchens
i don t know why my master
keeps the kitchen door shut
the work surfaces won t
lick themselves you know
and if i don t lick them
who will

as an artist
i always push myself creatively
some lesser artists
have stuck to the same medium
throughout their career
van goch did nothing but
daub oil paint on canvas
for his entire career
bernini just chipped away
at blocks of marble
i however have advanced
from paper towels to newspaper
look at my latest work
it produces a profound emotional response
in all who see it
master was almost reduced to tears

Whisky Newspaper Art

rarely has the world seen a talent like mine

whisky

[556]