Whisky Writes

23. July 2011 · Write a comment · Categories: Whisky

as an artist it s important Whisky Portrait
for me relentlessly to challenge myself
emotionally and artistically
no longer was i satisfied
with shredding single sheets of paper
i wanted to do something
on a grand scale
here it is
my latest work
i call it
torn up paper towel xxiv

torn up paper towel
Whisky, Torn Up Paper Towel XXIV, 2011

the parallels are obvious

Picasso, Siphon, Glass, Newspaper & Violin
Picasso, Siphon, Glass, Newspaper and Violin, 1912

Braque, Tenora
Braque, Tenora, 1913

though picasso and braque
only ever cut the paper up
with scissors
i apply myself body and soul
to my art
ripping the paper
with claws and teeth

there are also clear links
to duchamp
and his objets trouve

Duchamp, Fountain
Duchamp, Fountain, 1917

i find the source material
for my greatest works
in the wastepaper basket
however I think my master
must be jealous
of my great talent
because he s taken to
keeping the wastepaper basket
on top of the dining table
a great artist won t be thwarted
by the petty mindedness
of the little people
in fact the kitchen paper roll
for my latest and greatest work
was on top of a table
and so my master thought
out of reach
how wrong he was

[540]

Whisky Writes

21. July 2011 · Write a comment · Categories: Whisky

have you missed meWhisky Portrait
well i m back

i recently took a short break
at a local spa
it was very pleasant
apart from a mad barking
pomeranian in the suite next to me
and the walls of the cages
are so thin
my master tells me a pomeranian
is a kind of dog
though it looked more like
a ball of fluff to me
a very noisy ball of fluff
i don t know where pomerania is
but i reckon they should
tighten up the immigration laws
to keep pomeranians out
they re far too noisy

i ve got a new hobby
can you guess from the picture
what it is

Whisky the destroyer
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!

yes it s tearing up plastic bags
i think of it as art

when i can t get plastic bags
i like to chew tubes
so far i ve managed a tube of moisturiser
and two tubes of medicine
they look so pretty
with little tooth holes in them
i think my master looks good
with little holes in his hands
and legs too
along with long bright red scratches
he says they hurt
but it is for the sake of art
so i ll carry on

as you probably know
i used to be a street dog
i just want to be clear that
that s rather different from
being a street girl
my virtue is intact
i ve never sold my body to anyone
however doggy prostitution
is a major problem
there s even a song about it

how much is that doggie in the window
the one with the waggley tail
how much is that doggie in the window
i do hope that doggie s for sale

it just makes me so sad
to think of those poor dogs
dressed up in red satin dresses
and black fishnet stockings
sitting behind windows
smoking in amsterdam
they deserve better than that

whisky

[539]

I Dream of Whisky with the Light Brown Hair

19. July 2011 · Write a comment · Categories: Whisky

I’ve recently been on a short break in Chiang Mai. That meant I had to leave Whisky with the local vet. He wasn’t too thrilled with the barking (and possibly barking mad) Pomeranian in the next cage, but settled in pretty well. I’m not sure I coped quite as well. The first night I slept fitfully and had a number of dreams which featured Whisky.

In the first dream I dreamt that I was picking Whisky up and the vet was telling me that he wasn’t any good, citing a number of reasons, and recommending that I send him back and get a new dog.

In the second I was fighting robotic aliens with twisty pincers on the end of metal tentacles (all very Doctor Who). Fortunately Whisky was there to help me in battle.

And in the third I dreamt that Whisky had found a coiled venomous snake. (I knew it was venomous because it was black with coloured spots and had a diamond-shaped head.) The snake was readying to strike and I had to get Whisky away – preferably without getting bitten myself.

Even in the land of nod I’m not safe from the effects of that dog.

[537]

On Being Food for the Fishes

19. July 2011 · Write a comment · Categories: Daily Life

I had an hour to kill before the movie started, so I decided to have a pedicure courtesy of Garra rufa, better knows as Doctor fish.

This craze has swept across Thailand. There’s hardly a mall that doesn’t have a concession or two giving the chance to soak your feet in warm water whilst small fishes nibble at any dead skin. At 100 Baht (about £2) for half an hour, I suspect it’s pretty lucrative, too. (That’s more per hour than you might pay for a traditional Thai massage.)

The process started with my washing my feet in a foot basin. I then sat with my feet dangling in a tank of warm water alongside a few strangers. After a few moments the agony started: the fish, a few at first, then more, started nibbling. My face contorted as I struggled to cope with the prolonged, relentless tickling as the toothless Doctor fish gummed away at my feet.

Doctor fish and feet

After about 20 minutes a suitable distraction arrived in the form of a toddler opposite me who was being lowered into the water by his mother. The toddler seemed to have a reflex reaction to kick and splash the moment his feet touched the water. I would get wet. His mother would lift him out, and then lower him in again. He kicked. And so the cycle repeated.

At the end of the day, I was rather disappointed: I’d thought that the fish might tackle the thick layer of dead skin on my heels, but they were much more interested in the more ticklish areas of my sole and around my toes. At least that’s another experience I can cross off the list, never to be repeated.

And if I’m ever interrogated, the torturer can dispense with the rack and thumbscrew. Put my feet in a tank of fishes and I’ll sing like a canary – though they could also try making me stay in the Comfy Chair until lunch time, with only a cup of coffee at eleven. That would work, too.

[538]

Duck Confit

12. July 2011 · Write a comment · Categories: Food

Rev. Sydney Smith said that his idea of heaven was eating foie gras to the sound of trumpets. Being a strict trinitarian I’d settle for goose foie gras, belly pork and duck confit, but could well do without the trumpets.

Duck confit tends to be something most people don’t make at home. Though it’s pretty simple to make, it takes a long time and requires vast amounts of duck fat. In my household any fat that comes off a roasting duck is destined for frying potatoes. There’s never enough left for confit. I was therefore intrigued by a recipe by Michael Ruhlman (an American cookery writer, though perhaps better known for being a good friend of Anthony Bourdain, he’s also the inventor of the chicken fried confit belly pork caesar salad , a recipe that I’m still not sure whether serious or a joke) that confit’d duck in olive oil. That seemed more feasible, but olive oil here is very expensive. I therefore decided to experiment using cheap vegetable oil (soya bean oil to be precise). The results were phenomenal.

Duck confit with salad

Here’s my version of the recipe:

Ingredients

  • 4 duck legs
  • Salt
  • 6 black peppercorns, lightly crushed
  • 6 cloves of garlic, thinly sliced
  • 4 bay leaves
  • vegetable oil as required, about 1 litre

Method

  1. Wash and dry the duck legs.
  2. Liberally salt the duck legs on both sides.
  3. Press the peppercorns into the duck legs all over.
  4. Press the slivers of garlic onto the duck skin and flesh.
  5. Sandwich two bay leaves between pairs of duck thighs, with the duck skin on the outside.
  6. Put in a ziplock bag, expel the air and seal. Leave in the fridge for 24 hours.
  7. Rinse the duck legs to remove all the seasoning and then pat them dry.
  8. Place the duck legs in an ovenproof bowl which fits them snugly.
  9. Pour over enough vegetable oil to completely cover the legs. The legs might float. This isn’t a problem. They’ll sink once they start to cook.
  10. Put in an 80ºC oven, uncovered, for 10 hours. After this time the legs should be fall-apart tender.
  11. The legs can now be kept in the fridge, either in the oil, or without the oil in a tightly sealed container until you’re ready to eat them.

To Serve

  1. Remove the legs from the fridge an hour or so before you’re ready to cook them to allow them to come to room temperature.
  2. Preheat an oven to 220ºC.
  3. Take the legs from the oil and put on a baking tray. Cook for 15-20 minutes until the skin crisps and the meat is heated through.

Duck confit with vegetables

Simply delicious!

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Whisky Writes

12. July 2011 · Write a comment · Categories: Whisky

i think my master might be a witchWhisky Portrait
i m scared he s going to eat me

last night he told me a story
about hansel and gretel

it s a story about children
who found a house made of candy
who were then kept in a cage
and fattened up by an evil witch
so they could be eaten

well i m kept in a cage
and my house is delicious

the stairs are really tasty

and the concrete skirting boards
aren t bad too

Gnawed skirting board

as for the fattening up
the vet tells me i ve put on
almost 2 kg in the last fortnight
two weeks ago i was 5.8 kg
and yesterday i was 7.75 kg

the vet also tells me i ll
probably weigh about 25 kg
when i m fully grown

let me see
2 kg a fortnight
by the end of the year
i should be fully grown
by then the frogs won t
stand a chance
that is if my master
hasn t eaten me by then

whisky

[535]

Whisky Ouroboros

10. July 2011 · Write a comment · Categories: Whisky

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yynyw4Ss4D4]

[534]

Whisky Writes

08. July 2011 · Write a comment · Categories: Whisky

my master has been telling meWhisky Portrait
about the seven deadly sins
i think i m very good at them

sloth is my speciality
i can lie around for
hours doing nothing
and often do

gluttony i m excellent at too
i love my chicken and pork and duck
and egg and bones to chew on

i can do wrath
sometimes when i see a workman outside
i bark at him until my master comes
and says shhhh and holds my mouth closed
if he d let me i d bark a lot more

greed well you can never have
too many frogs to kill
funnily enough this morning
i was taking my early morning constitutional
when a frog jumped out of the bushes
he startled me
otherwise i wouldn t have
let him get away

pride
really
when you re as good looking as me
you re bound to be full of pride
just look at the picture

envy well i envy dogs that
have more frogs than me
i bet really rich people
have whole rooms
just full of frogs
to chew to death

the only sin i didn t understand
was lust but my master says
i shouldn t worry about that one
and muttered something about
a visit to the vet

anyway 6 out of 7 sins
is pretty good don t you think

whisky

[533]

Whisky Writes

07. July 2011 · 1 comment · Categories: Whisky

a couple of days agoWhisky Portrait
my master had to adjust a strap on my harness
he said it was because i was getting fat
nonsense
i m just big boned
and i do wish he d stop calling me greedy
i just have a healthy appetite
earlier today i was scratching madly at my collar
i think my master must have put it on wrongly
but he said it needed to be let out a notch
because i d put on weight
bastard

yesterday i was playing with my master
in the garden
i was teaching him how to
kill the frog by throwing it
he didn t do a very good job
at one point the frog ended up
over the wall in the next door garden
he says there was a sudden gust of wind
right like i m falling for that old story
i wasn t born yesterday
it was rather piquant though
seeing him trot around to the neighbours
and come back bearing a lime and orange frog
with the stuffing falling out of it
whilst the building workers looked on

today i finally managed to kill the frog
it s a tough job but someone has to do it
there were frog innards
all over the place
of course i tried to deny it was me
but my master had the evidence

Whisky & frog
Whisky & frog
Whisky & frog

guilty
moi

whisky

[532]

The People Have Spoken

04. July 2011 · Write a comment · Categories: Thailand News

Now, I’m not a big fan of democracy. However you try and fiddle with the system – first past the post, single transferable vote, alternative vote plus, additional member – the results will be unsatisfactory because the unwashed masses simply are too poorly educated and/or stupid to make decisions based upon the common good and vote purely in their own selfish interests. It was greed that got Margaret Thatcher, more commonly known as “that evil bitch-monster from hell”, re-elected not once, but twice.

The results of American democracy are even more farcical. Look at recent Republican presidents: Nixon – a crook; Ford – a bumbling incompetent; Reagan – a B-movie actor and buffoon; the first Bush – a blood-thirsty warmonger; the second Bush – an idiot, blood-thirsty warmonger. And now you have the likes of Palin and Bachmann jostling for the White House – ignorant, bigoted morons the pair of them. How could anyone in their right mind consider voting for them? That they are even being considered as candidates makes the USA the laughing stock of the world. And it’s this system of American democracy that Uncle Sam is trying to foist upon the rest of the world!

***

Thai democracy is little more successful. Pheu Thai scored a major victory for the Red Shirts yesterday. As always, people looked to their own self interest rather than to the good of the country. Pheu Thai’s policies are little more than a series of bribes:

  • a free iPad for every student
  • a minimum wage of 300 Baht for all workers (currently it varies by province from 151 to 206 Baht)
  • a 15,000 Baht monthly starting salary guaranteed for all first-time graduate employees (that’s approximately double the current starting salary for a teacher)
  • 20 Baht flat fares on the skytrain and metro
  • cheap apartments along skytrain and metro routes
  • ten new train routes connecting Bangkok to nearby provinces
  • a high speed train link to the north east (where most of Pheu Thai’s supporters hail from) and on to Chiang Mai (another Red Shirt stronghold)
  • help for people with debts of more than 500,000 Baht, including a 3 year repayment freeze
  • the creation of 100,000 new jobs
  • rice mortgages at 20,000 Baht/2,000 litres for Jasmine Rice (way above current market prices) – a little less for other kinds of rice
  • credit cards for all taxi drivers and motorcycle taxis

Others policies stretch credulity to breaking point:

  • illegal drugs eradicated within 12 months
  • building a twin city for Bangkok
  • building a dam around Bangkok to prevent floods

All of this will cost a lot of money, and how all this will be funded is something that Pheu Thai has been curiously quiet about. It’s not going to be from big business, because Pheu Thai has also promised to cut the rate of corporation tax from 30% to 23%.

Of course, Pheu Thai won’t be able to follow through with all its promises, so today’s Shoe cartoon from America seemed particularly apposite:

Cartoon

The only policies you can be 100% sure of are that Thaksin will be given an amnesty and that his confiscated billions will be returned to him.

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